The Power of Choice

“In the space between stimulus (what happens) and how we respond, lies our freedom to choose. Ultimately, this power to choose is what defines us as human beings. We may have limited choices but we can always choose. We can choose our thoughts, emotions, moods, our words, our actions; we can choose our values and live by principles. It is the choice of acting or being acted upon.” 
― Stephen R. Covey

Every day, we find ourselves in situations where we are tested.  We are spoken unkindly to, a co-worker is out of line, a family member or friend is inconsiderate.  It's tempting in these situations to react strongly - to either defend ourselves, or to lash out in anger, or to breakdown in tears.  While it's ok, and natural, to feel strong emotions in these situations, it is how we react in these situations that has the largest impact.

As a child, life was very chaotic, and I often felt powerless.  I remember from even a young age realizing that, by not showing emotion, I could limit the control others in the world had over me to a limited degree.  Years later, however, the full impact of choosing hit home.  I recall clearly, in high school, a student telling our English teacher he “couldn’t” do his homework because he had a football game, and she pointed out he *chose* not to, and to do the game instead.

The conversation continued about choosing. Someone asked her, “well, what if you were robbed at gun point? The robber told you ‘give me your wallet or die’. You didn’t choose you get robbed!” And she said, “no, you didn’t choose to get robbed, but you chose not to die. You chose to live. And in that moment, you made a choice, and that was your power.”

There was more to it but that was life changing to me. I had NO power over what happened to me - whether or not I was robbed - but I had power in my choices in how I reacted to the situations- giving up the wallet, choosing to live- and I wasn’t ever letting anyone take that power from me.

This power is something I continue to exercise daily, in ways both big and small.  Whether it's refusing to raise my voice with an irate co-worker, or being polite to someone who has wronged me in the past, it is up to me, and me alone, to determine how I will react to any given person in any given situation.  It is up to me to consider it, at the end of the day, I want to be remembered as having taken part in an interoffice screaming match, or having kept my cool and remained professional when someone else could not.  If I raise my voice and scream and shout back, I have let someone else have power over me.

For a lot of people, and for women especially, I feel like the world limits our power in every way it can. We may be limited, as I am, by our health or medical conditions, or limited by socio-economic situations, or by domestic violence situations we find ourselves trapped in.  The world loves to convince us that we are limited, controlled, powerless.  But we have power in choices, and every time we exercise that power, it grows and gets stronger.  And one of the most subtle yet impactful ways we can exercise and use that power is in choosing how we react to the situations and people around us.