Dealing With The State: Who's Your Daddy?

I can feel the tension spreading across my back - always carry tension in my back and shoulders - and the pain from the ensuing muscle spasms makes it hard to breathe. My head hurts. I'm. Emotionally exhausted. I've been reduced to tears of frustration at least once today, and waves of helplessness and hopelessness have crashed over me through out the day.

Fostering, or what ever it is I'm doing, is never easy. There are countless struggles and pitfalls, but none are as debilitating as dealing with The State.


 Dealing with the state is like being tossed in a deep, dark labyrinth. You don't where to turn, there's no one to trust, and some where not too far off, you hear a minotaur.

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When we got Trey and Chel, we were so focused on doing what was right for the kids, that we rushed in blind. We were told we had only a week to pick them up. We assumed someone from one state or the other would be there to assist us. We didn't have time or money for a lawyer. With weeks, we discovered we'd discovered that this was a huge mistake. We've been punished for it ever since.

Today's ordeal centered around child support, or lack thereof.

Kids Need Structure

Because of Trey's behavioral problems, associated with severe ADHD, he sees a behavioral therapist. Her evaluation is that he needs a structured educational setting, but he's too young for school.




Because Arizona "dropped the ball" (aka didn't give a damn about those kids), they are put under my income, and qualify for none of the assistance foster kids usually get. Arizona has never called to check up on them, never inquired on their progress, never returned a single one of the countless calls placed to them seeking assistance in getting these children the aid they need to grow and become happy and successful. The state of OK finally agreed to place them in day care three days days a week (though the daycare was woefully incapable of assisting them).


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Then, this happened.

Who's Your Daddy?

Last month, they sent me letters of "non-compliance" from the Child Support division. I advised that I did not know who the fathers were, and that kids are my niece and nephew, and I hadn't been there for conception.


Apparently, my lack of knowledge was construed as lack of cooperation.
  
I called back to find out how to correct the problem, and was told that they couldn't even find the account because they don't have the father's name!

We've found ourselves back at square one: Making too much money to get into a good Headstart program, which is necessary for controlling Trey's ADHD and ensuring his success in school next year. Making too little money to afford the level of help he needs on our own. Wandering endlessly in this twisting, turning maze, fearing the minotaur.

Have you ever dealt with the state? Do you have experience fostering?