Dealing With The State: Who's Your Daddy?

I can feel the tension spreading across my back - always carry tension in my back and shoulders - and the pain from the ensuing muscle spasms makes it hard to breathe. My head hurts. I'm. Emotionally exhausted. I've been reduced to tears of frustration at least once today, and waves of helplessness and hopelessness have crashed over me through out the day.

Fostering, or what ever it is I'm doing, is never easy. There are countless struggles and pitfalls, but none are as debilitating as dealing with The State.


 Dealing with the state is like being tossed in a deep, dark labyrinth. You don't where to turn, there's no one to trust, and some where not too far off, you hear a minotaur.

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When we got Trey and Chel, we were so focused on doing what was right for the kids, that we rushed in blind. We were told we had only a week to pick them up. We assumed someone from one state or the other would be there to assist us. We didn't have time or money for a lawyer. With weeks, we discovered we'd discovered that this was a huge mistake. We've been punished for it ever since.

Today's ordeal centered around child support, or lack thereof.

Kids Need Structure

Because of Trey's behavioral problems, associated with severe ADHD, he sees a behavioral therapist. Her evaluation is that he needs a structured educational setting, but he's too young for school.




Because Arizona "dropped the ball" (aka didn't give a damn about those kids), they are put under my income, and qualify for none of the assistance foster kids usually get. Arizona has never called to check up on them, never inquired on their progress, never returned a single one of the countless calls placed to them seeking assistance in getting these children the aid they need to grow and become happy and successful. The state of OK finally agreed to place them in day care three days days a week (though the daycare was woefully incapable of assisting them).


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Then, this happened.

Who's Your Daddy?

Last month, they sent me letters of "non-compliance" from the Child Support division. I advised that I did not know who the fathers were, and that kids are my niece and nephew, and I hadn't been there for conception.


Apparently, my lack of knowledge was construed as lack of cooperation.
  
I called back to find out how to correct the problem, and was told that they couldn't even find the account because they don't have the father's name!

We've found ourselves back at square one: Making too much money to get into a good Headstart program, which is necessary for controlling Trey's ADHD and ensuring his success in school next year. Making too little money to afford the level of help he needs on our own. Wandering endlessly in this twisting, turning maze, fearing the minotaur.

Have you ever dealt with the state? Do you have experience fostering?

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The Always Present Danger

The Hidden Danger In Your Medicine Cabinet

As parents, we teach our children to avoid drugs. We warn them about pot, meth, coke. We warn

them about tobacco and alcohol.  We have D.A.R.E and we talk about the drugs in health class.  We think of dealers in dark alley ways, packets of coke smuggled in by mules, cartels streaming across borders.  What we don't talk about are the dangers hiding in our own medicine cabinets.

The Human Aspect

In 2014, there were over 47,000 deaths from Prescription drug overdose.  That is 1 1/2 times the number of deaths from car accident.

This epidemic has had a personal impact on our family.  In 2008, we lost my step-father to an accidental overdose of pain medication.  In 2011, we lost my niece to an overdose of oxycotin. Recently, we lost my brother in law.  


For us, the numbers aren't just statistics - they are names.  They are grandchildren who will never go fishing with a grandfather.  They are college dreams and senior proms and graduations and marriages that will never happen.  They are small children growing up with out a parent. They are grieving parents, siblings, spouses, children, and friends.

The Risk Factors

According to the CDC:

Research shows that some risk factors make people particularly vulnerable to prescription painkiller abuse and overdose, including:

•   Obtaining overlapping prescriptions from multiple providers and pharmacies.^1,2,3,4
• Taking high daily dosages of prescription painkillers.^2,5,6,7
• Having mental illness or a history of alcohol or other substance abuse.⁸
• Living in rural areas and having low income.

Medicaid Patients

• Inappropriate provider prescribing practices and patient use are substantially higher among Medicaid patients than among privately insured patients.
• In one study based on 2010 data, 40% of Medicaid enrollees with painkiller prescriptions had at least one indicator of potentially inappropriate use or prescribing:⁹
  • overlapping painkiller prescriptions
  • overlapping painkiller and benzodiazepine prescriptions
  • long-acting or extended release prescription painkillers for acute pain and high daily doses  ("What the Public Needs to Know about the Epidemic")

Prevention

There are some steps that one can take to help prevent misuse or abuse:

Courtesy of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

  

Talk with your doctor about:

• The risks of prescription painkillers and other ways to manage your pain.
• Making a plan on when and how to stop, if a choice is made to use prescription painkillers.

Use prescription painkillers only as instructed by your doctor.

Store prescription painkillers in a safe place and out of reach of others.

Help prevent misuse and abuse by not selling or sharing prescription painkillers. Never use another person's prescription painkillers. ("What the Public Needs to Know about the Epidemic")

Also, when disposing of old, expired, or unneeded medications, there are prescription disposal locations in most communities.  However, if there is not one in your community, follow these steps:

1. Remove the label from the bottle. 
2. Do not flush the medication, as it will enter the water system. 
3. Instead, pour the medication into a ziplock bag. 
4. Crush it (if in pill or tablet form), and add hot water to dissolve the medication. 
5. Empty coffee grounds into the mixture as well, to make it unappetizing to both humans and animals, and dispose of the bag in the trash.

The Warning Signs

The Mayo Clinic provides the following as signs of drug abuse:

Stealing, forging or selling prescriptions

Taking higher doses than prescribed

Excessive mood swings or hostility

Increase or decrease in sleep

Poor decision-making

Appearing to be high, unusually energetic or revved up, or sedated

Continually "losing" prescriptions, so more prescriptions must be written

Seeking prescriptions from more than one doctor  ("Prescription drug abuse")

Seeing this signs in a friend or relative may indicate a cause for concern.

What To Do If  You Suspect Abuse

If you suspect drug abuse by a friend or loved one, your support will be important.  You may contact medical professionals, treatment groups, or agencies such as drugabuse.gov to seek additional information.  While you can not force someone to seek treatment in most cases without seeking the aid of the court, you can provide support and incentives for them to do so.

Additionally, if you suspect a loved one of having a problem, seek out counseling services to assist you in dealing with the aftermath and effect, as it can be very stressful for those associated with the addict as well.

1-800-662-HELP (4357) is a fantastic service from the Department of Human Services for those battling addiction, and for their loved ones.

What the Public Needs to Know about the Epidemic." Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 5 May 2015. Web. 16 Jan. 2016.

"Prescription Drug Abuse." Symptoms. Web. 16 Jan. 2016.

 

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