Sticky Notes & Blank Boxes

I had this great planner post planned for y’all, talking about how much I love my Happy Planner and how helpful it’s been in helping me at least somewhat control the chaos and how I use the pretty stickers I’ve found and/or made and the usefulness of sticky notes (you know the kind- you’ve seen a thousand of them!), but it didn’t end up working out the way if planned (much like everything else in my life!)

You see, as I was getting ready to get pictures and adding my pain tracker stickers I made, I was becoming upset at how many “boxes” of things I’d put in the calendar to be done were left unfinished at the end of the week.  I was feeling rather unaccomplished, and down on myself, and was going to scrap the post, when I realized that I was ignoring the REAL post hiding in my planner!

Y’all, it’s so easy to be hard on ourselves. It’s easy to look at what hasn’t been accomplished and let the ugly voice in our heads tell us we’re failures, but maybe THAT is my lesson to learn today.

This week, there have been several days where I have run out of spoons. Pain and exhaustion have just gotten the best of me, and most of my tasks have remained undone.

But there’s plenty that has been done. 

I know that, when my AS is flaring up, I have to limit myself. I can cook AND clean, but if I do that, I can’t go to work. Or, I can go to work AND cook dinner, but I can’t clean. I know, that at the most, I can accomplish 2 of these things, but almost never all three.  It’s not plausible, and attempting to do so can derail the entire week.

One way that I’ve unintentionally built this flexibility into my planner is via the use of sticky notes.  Priority tasks  and inflexible tasks, like work, for example, are inked into my planner in the correct color. Less high priority tasks, like craft projects, and tasks with some flexibility, like cleaning under the sofa, are put on sticky notes.  This allows me a certain flexibility. Didn’t get the ironing done Monday? Move the sticky note to Wednesday. 

Arg!  Not a single "check box" checked!  That's ok!  Move it to another day!

It’s important not to be too hard on ourselves.  It’s important to acknowledge our successes, while tackling our failures.  As my health is often fragile, I have to remind myself to prioritize, and to give myself time and rest. 

Sometimes, we need to allow ourselves some sticky notes and blank boxes in life’s calendar. 

How do you build flexibility into your life?

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I Can’t Even

Ya’ll.  I can’t even today.
Can’t even walk. Can’t even sit up straight. Can’t even play with my  planner. Can’t even write my friend a letter. Can’t even sleep. I can’t even breathe comfortably.


I have used up all my spoons today, plus some, and I just can’t even.


If you aren’t familiar with the terms “spoons” or “spoonies”, a “spoon” is an analogy for the amount of energy required to complete a basic task, as described by Christine Miserandino, and a “Spoonie” is someone suffering from chronic pain or illness. In my case, my AS is stealing my spoons.



Now, if you’ve read previous MNAVB blog entries, it’s at this point you would expect me to try to offer some positive insight, or a “here are 10000 tips for living with pain”, or some similar bit intended to give both you and me hope.

But tonight? Tonight I can’t even.


The fact is, sometimes life sucks and we need a moment to feel sorry for ourselves. Sometimes we need to wallow in self-pity for a little bit. We need to feel sympathy and acknowledge how damn hard the struggle can be at times, whether that struggle is physical, mental, spiritual, financial, or otherwise.


Feeling sorry for yourself every once in a while isn’t weakness, taking a break isn’t a weakness, falling down isn’t a weakness. You just have to get back up again.


As for me, guys and gals, I’m going to save my trusty blog app, lay my phone down, and try to stockpile some spoons for tomorrow.




Are you a Spoonie, or do you know a Spoonie? What are your favorite tips for getting through a low-spoon or no-spoon day?

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The Benefits of Friendship

Ladies and gentlemen, there are very few things in the world with more value than a good friend. Whether a pen pal from across the country, the neighbor next door, or someone a few hours down the road, having someone who you can talk to can be the difference between surviving in life, and life being enjoyable.

I am blessed with great friends! My friend. Shelby, for example, is a first rate make up artist and hair stylist. Twice now she’s driven hours to do my make up for an event, or, tonight, to whip up a fun new color, cut, and style for my hair, free of charge!  I am FEELING the love.

And, according to research, all the love I feel from my friends can have long term, life altering benefits! 

According to Psychology Today, friends are important to our development and mental health. Among the impact friends have on us, friends support you, help define your priorities, and help you feel less lonely.  Friends help us develop as children, find our place as teens, and navigate the trials of life as adults. 

Additional research shows that having friends can lessen risk of death in cancer patients and people with heart conditions, and increase longevity. A 2006 study shows that women suffering breast cancer are 4 times as likely to survive if they have a circle of close friends, regardless of how close they live to those friends. In fact, friends are more important to the success rates of cancer survivors than even family or spouses, making friendships some of the most important relationships of your life!  Rebecca G. Adams, a professor of sociology at the University of North Carolina, Greensboro says of her research on friendships, “Friendship has a bigger impact on our psychological well-being than family relationships.”

My BFF Shelby - Isn't she GORGEOUS?!?

For me, the psychological benefit is almost always instantaneous. When I’m in a foul mood, texting a friend or writing a letter can lighten it. When I’m stressed, my friends can usually get me laughing to help reduce my stress. 

And in a truly bad month, a friend going out of her way to let me know she cares can be the best medicine of all.

Who is your best friend? What impact do they have on your life? Let me know in the comments!

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Combatting Stress

It’s been an especially long time since my last post, and we’ve been through what seems like a million changes, but the one thing that is alike for both non-parents and parents of all types- biological parent, adopted parents, kinship parents, grandparents, and everyone in between- has inspired tonight’s post.

Stress. We all feel it. Whether it’s financial worries, a term paper, a past approaching deadline at work, or the myriad of stresses that tiny humans bring, it seems that it’s always hanging around.

Due to mental health project I’ve been working on, stress has been on my mind lately.  Not just the causes of stress, which are many, but the physical and mental implications, and how to decrease stress’s impact as well.

In small doses, stress can actually be beneficial to us. According to a 2014 article by ulifeline.org, stress can boost the immune system to help prevent infection, help improve focus to help us knock out a big project, or help improve memory.  Unfortunately, stress never seems to show up in “small doses”.

Unfortunately, stress seldom shows up in small doses.  In larger doses, stress can negatively impact our health, causing higher blood pressure, immune problems, and long term heart damage.   It's important to control our stress levels in order to minimize long term physical and mental health repercussions.

One of the most important traits we can achieve is self-awareness. By obtaining the ability to be self-aware, we can protect ourselves against physical and mental health concerns, including stress.  By recognizing our stress triggers, we can attempt to avoid them.  I use a journal page, which I'll be releasing soon, to track my moods and possible stressors.  You can easily do the same in an app, on a calendar, or in your diary.

For stress that cannot be avoided, there are steps we can take to minimize its impact.   According to WebMD, the following tips might help you in reducing stress:
1. Meditate
2. Breathe Deeply
3. Be present
4. Reach Out to others
5. Tune in to Your Body
6. Decompress with warm towels, massage, etc.
7. Laugh
8. Listen to music
9. Exercise
10. Count your blessings

I would add a few other suggestions to that list:
1. Splurge a little
It doesn't need to be expensive, but a small splurge can lift your spirits.  For me, a Pumpkin Spice Latte does the trick.  Maybe a new nail color, or a paperback book would be the boost you need.
2. Surround yourself with relaxing smells.
Again, pumpkin spice is an instantaneous relaxant for me. Vanilla helps.  I especially like to add those scents to …
3. A warm bath.
A warm bubble bath helps relax the muscles and decompress after a long day.  With some Epson salt, low lights or candles, and a cup of tea or coffee,  and I'm ready to take on the world again!




As I suffer from both Ankylosing Spondylitis, and Borderline Personality Disorder, stress has a very strong effect on both my physical and mental health, so I've made a habit of self-awareness, with the goal of preventing too much stress.  I avoid people and situations that stress me out whenever possible, and when it can't be avoided, I buy myself (or make myself, as I roast my own coffee beans and keep a small supply of flavored creamer on hand) a latte (or a vodka!), run a hot bath, and grab a book or run on my apple music, and take 15-20 minutes to reduce the stress as much as I can.


What stresses you out the most, and what techniques work best to control it? Let me know in the comments below!

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